Says Albus Dumbledore.

As I watch the younglings fight and organize yet another edition of The Project I Grew Up with, this quote certainly springs to mind. I think I understand now, or perhaps get an inkling, of what is a mid-life crisis –> When everything seems meaningless and all effort is mired in a lack of fruitfulness.

Another memory is triggered, and it is one at Golden Shoe Hawker Centre, with one of the faithful readers of my blog. I remember saying “After some time, you begin to wonder if everything is worth it. You reach a point when you know the motivations just are not the same anymore”.
And now these words come back to haunt me. Who is the one with different motivations? Is others, or is it really me?

It’s just like Liverpool, stuck in the rut, unable to put a ball in the back of the net.

So like my beloved club, I think its time for me to step out of my malaise. This laziness, the idea that “I’ve been there and done that” has been festering in me for some time already. Perhaps, I have been too arrogant in my attitude and I am truly quite sorry for that. That is the old man mentality. Experience is one thing, but arrogance is another.

Back to the The Project: As we debrief, the fresh younglings do not understand the battle of ideas going across the table. I glance at one young couple, both glued to their phones and itching smiles. I suspect they are flirting over SMS, oblivious to the world. Sweet young love indeed. The older ones push their ideas across and share their stories. I watch carefully, and plunge into the foray when I can. And then I remember; not too long ago were we the young ones glued to our phones instead. The Elders have left (a messy situation indeed) and now we are the in the lead. The weight of age hangs on heavily on our shoulders. Are we worthy of our positions? Am I even worthy of it? Based on The Project alone, I think I have done a horrible job. I’d give myself an D for effort.

In retrospect, my two week adventure in Berastagi was the impetus needed for this epiphany of sorts. The Year of Dragon is arriving, and I hope I am lucky enough to change myself. “You need to have a mind of a 5 year old – question everything.” It’s high time to espouse those values indeed.

As glad and thankful I am to have lived 23 exciting years, I am beginning to look at birthdays with dread. Each year (ok maybe this is just the 2nd year haha), I ask myself – am I getting old and disillusioned? Hmm perhaps, it is a sign of times or the sign of age.

But as I let my thoughts settle, there is one temptation shining clearly in mind – the lure of redemption. The idea to do it all over again, make it perfect this time. No small flaws and no tiny errors.

It’s not helping that I see some of my friends have succumbed to it already – to start from scratch in the hope that everything will be all right this time.

But is that really possible, or is it even true?

I guess maybe or maybe not. We will never know till we crossed that path. The word “Arsenal” comes to mind – “we will always win the next season”. Hurhur. Another perspective – the whole project was a success, just that my standards are too high.

Hmm, there is no turning back the clock. Only time for reflection, repentance and reciprocity. Glad am I that I have lived the life I had. I am not proud of all my actions, but I hope I have done some good in this world and that it made an impact.

Alas this is the wrong time to for such musing, birthdays are the time to honour all the people in your life. Time to go back to thanking those who wished me happy birthday!

I think definitely so. In my past 3 years in SMU, I have seen such an institutionalization of rules hitherto unseen and it leaves me with sad and strange disappointment and displeasure. After all, this is the school that was supposed to be different. I write this blogpost for the greater good – that SMU this piecemeal intention in trying to change the burgeoning institution will somehow have a butterfly effect.

One of the reasons why I chose SMU was because it marketed itself to be different. And I’m sure it was, for the first year. Yet slowly, I noticed (with much annoyance) over the increase in red tape.

My biggest bugbear: Endless forms and emails. Documents are being kept there for the sake of being kept there.

Case Study

I went to Office XXX to borrow a tripod and got stonewalled by the staff.

Me: “Are there any tripods for me to borrow?”

She: “No, I can only check if there are tripods available once you give me the form which must be 2-3 days in advance for processing time”

Me: “So are there any tripods available?”

She: “I can only check if I get the form”

Me: “So you don’t know how many tripods you have in your office?”

She: “I cannot tell you until I get the form”

Me: “What if I get the form now?”

She: “You need it to be sent 2-3 days in advance.”

Me: “Why?”

She: “For processing.”

The Resistance by Muse

The paranoia is in bloom, the PR
Transmissions will resume, they’ll try to
Push drugs, keep us all dumb down and hope that
We will never see the truth around, so come on

Another promise, another scene, another
Package not to keep us trapped in greed with all the
Green belts wrapped around our minds and endless
Red tape to keep the truth confined, so come on

They will not force us
And they will stop degrading us
And they will not control us
We will be victorious, so come on

Back to Case Study

So  I wanted to complain why were there so many forms and procedures. How do I do that? Write a form of course, then wait for it to get processed.

Other Examples of Red Tape

1) The exponential proliferation of forms for community service.

2) Scrapping of LTB service projects in favour of case studies for the incoming freshmen.

3) Implementation and review of KPIs for CCAs

This is a school…and schools shouldn’t be a cage.

Ok back to mugging.

In my humble opinion, the tipping point came during the National Day Rally in 2004. Lee Hsien Loong, in his maiden address to the nation, made it clear that Singaporeans were not procreating enough and that we would need migrants to cover up for the shortfall. I think the flood gates opened soon after that and the trains became unbearably crowded and housing prices shot up.

So now, 7 years later, we have a presidential hopeful campaigning on the premise of “Think Singaporeans First”. I regard Tan Cheng Bok as an astute politican. He has been gunning for presidency since June 2011, and quit the People’s Action Party in May. With so much time to plan, he even came up with an iPhone app for himself!

TCB observed, and accurately so, that there is a deep nationalistic under-current in Singapore. I wonder what would have happened if he had remained with the PAP during the General Elections. Could he have done a “George Yeo” and told the PAP to wake up?? Personally, I doubt so since he was just a backbencher but it is some food for thought.

The unanswered question to TCB’s election manifesto is “If Singaporeans first, then foreigners how?” I am sure this must be running through the minds of all the Filipinos, Banglas, Indians and Chinese etc here. I think TCB will win because his nationalist manifesto is the catchiest and resonates with the public better than anyone else. (although he really does have an ugly symbol which may work against him) If he wins, I fear  that TCB might turn out to be a very divisive president and split the society into “Singaporeans” and “non-Singaporeans”. Of course, it won’t happen overnight, but it could be a tipping point in societal relations – just like how the NDR was. But I’ll leave it to him to prove me wrong.

Presidential politics aside, what does it mean to be Singaporean exactly? I was surprised by the sentiment I observed after NDR 2011. LHL announced an increase in the number of university places for Singaporeans only – and many people commented back “New citizens also Singaporeans what!“. (Having chaired over a Citizenship Ceremony for new citizens, I would like to use this chance to categorically state that 70% of new citizens are usually Malaysians).

So if having a pink IC doesn’t qualify you as a Singaporean, then what does? Being kiasu? Using tissue to chope? Going for NS (for guys)? Speaking Singlish?

Singapore is now 46 years old, and I think we are now at a flux in terms of nationhood. Most Singaporeans (the old citizens) already have a set of similar experiences and common ideals. In a society that prides itself on multi-culturalism, we do not have any similar religion (we have many majority religions) or race (one dominating race and three other protected minority races). What we need is a set of universally accepted norms and lifestyle. It does not need to be articulated in clear words, but as long as it exists we have a chance of standing up strong to the tide of foreigners.

I believe we are halfway there – Singaporeans now value their way of life. Multiculturalism, being kiasu, queueing, NS, hawker food, MRT, ERP, HDB, PSLE, O-level, streaming, etc etc – they are now precious.

And thus, in retorspect, you have to say a big thank you to Lee Hisen Loong and the PAP. Great job!!! If they hadn’t opened the floodgates back then, would we still have had enjoyed curry yesterday??

P.S. I think the state media and rulinga party are absolutely despicable with regards to the whole Chinafamily-cannot-stand-the-smell-of-curry-issue. Firstly, it sidelines the story in a small box at the bottom of a very politically correct and politically motivated article. Then when the matter is made big online by smart citizens, Law Minister and friends come out in a big force to say that the matter is seven years old, it has been blown out of proportion and that there are many untruths circulating around about it. The day after the event, the Straits Times publishes a big picture on the front page with the organizer eating curry with a migrant from China.

WTFFFF. Dear PAP, SPH and Medicorp – I know you love Chinamen, but if you don’t want the issue to get out then why publish it in the first place??? –”

Anyways, the whole event really sums up why I love Singapore – primarily becuase I love curry! hahaha. kidding of course.

Two years ago, if you told me I would spend one week getting inspired in the streets of Dhaka, I would say you were crazy.

One year ago, if you told me I would go to China, I would say you were crazy.

Well I’ve gone there and back! And really thankful to God for a safe adventure. It is during these overseas sojourns when I am often humbled by his power.

Before I left on 19th July, I spent an entire afternoon in SMU discussing the China trip. We ended at 7pm, and we left with a grim smile on our faces – there was alot of travelling to be done!

Well, it turned out to be much more than I expected:

Singapore to Hong Kong – Tiger Airways 2569km
Chep Lak Kok Airport to Nathan Road, Mongkok – Bus & Taxi (we got lost)
Around Hong Kong – MTR (which is way much better than MRT!) and Tram!
In Ocean Park – Cable car
Up Victoria Peak – An even cooler tram 40km
Sha Tin to Tai Po Waterfront Park – Cycling! 35km
Hong Kong to Shenzen – MTR 44km
Shenzen to Guilin – (nice and clean) bus 878km
Around Guilin – Con-man electric rickshaw 10km
Around Guilin – Walking across a river!
Guilin to Yangshuo – Boat, down the Li River 54km
Yangshuo to Yulong Jiang – electric motor bike! 40km
Yangshuo to Guilin – (Normal school) bus 60km
Guilin to Hai An port – (Horror) bus 500km
Hai An port to Hai Kou – Very big boat! 70km
Around Hai Kou – Taxi, Bus and Motorcycle Trishaw!
Hai Kou to San Ya – High speed train 350km
Within San Ya – Bus at the wrong bus stop 40km
San Ya to Hai Kou – High speed train 350km
Hai Kou hostel to Airport – Taxi 40km
Hai Kou to Shenzen – Hainan Airlines (good service!) 250km
Shenzen to Macau – Ferry 86km
Within Macau – WALK
Macau to Singapore (at last!) – Tiger Airlines Flight 2540km
Total: 7596km ~ 8000km

I’m still quite amazed looking at the figure. That’s an insane amount! Plus, I think we took all kinds of transport possible.

I watched sunrise on a boat, and sunset on a plane. (:

Oh, (not in chronological order) and two of us got conned, my flight was booked wrongly so I had to fly elsewhere to get home, we escaped the onslaught of a typhoon, we played monopoly deal, we survived overnight bus rides with noisy china-men, we survived the crowds at Ocean Park and Disneyland, we survived taking a high speed train in China, I met a kenyan working in china for breakfast, we ate at Michelin-rated restauarants, we got temporary tatoos, we saw pandas…………………………

On a side note, even though I have an awesome camera, some of the most exciting moments are captured off film – like trying to find my way to the Shenzen bus station and while riding an e-bike! The best pictures are often snapped in the mind…..

Many many many photos taken, and I’m trying my hand at editing. Will upload the China photos – one day!

What happens when you hit a roadblock? You find a way around it. Often, with some creative problem-solving maybe I, find a way around the problem – not over it. The problem is left unsolved

After a period of time, resentment, jadedness and fatigue has set in. I realize that all prior solutions are just stop-gap ones. The festering problem remains. There is also self-doubt – perhaps it is I who is rotten to the core? I know I have many flaws often cruelly exposed to the detriment of others and I am truly sorry for them.

Once, I used to enjoy discussion over dinner – eat good food and spout brilliant ideas. But over stingray last night, I found myself staring at mental barriers. And the answer seemed clear – we need revolution. Incremental attempts at change are measly and minimal. It will take a lifetime for change to occur.

The word “revolution” is exciting and scary. It doesn’t have to involve blood, but sweat and tears surely. Revolution is often tantalising because it suggests the destruction of the present and the chance to shape the future.

Alas, if it were only so easy.

My biggest take away for this internship would be work-life-volunteer-friends-family balance. There is so much management to do for all 5 aspects of life that it I admit, I am getting tired. I’ve had very very little time for myself, and I think my hairs have turned white in protest.

My dad feels we should live life slowly to enjoy it. I was a proponent of the opposite – live life fullest by maximizing it. Maybe something in between is the best.

The lessons of internship, I will type out on another day.

Now I faced with another pressing problem – should I travel to Hong Kong alone? July 19 to 23. It sounds exciting and boring at the same time.

Dear Taxi Driver – I hope you have a conscience and a kind heart, and not fleece me.

Dear Church-owner – I hope you have a conscience and a kind heart, and not fleece me.

Dear Mechanic – I hope you have a conscience and a kind heart, and not fleece me.

Big bad world we live in, and the importance of $$$ has never been more emphasised. I pray to God that I will not become cold-hearted, money-minded and ruthless. But all these monsters I have to battle, are my own creations. Clearly I am my worst enemy. I pray I emerge victorious.

One of the good things about work is that I get to read alot of really thought-provoking articles.

NOBODY calls me anymore — and that’s just fine. With the exception of immediate family members, who mostly phone to discuss medical symptoms and arrange child care, and the Roundabout Theater fund-raising team, which takes a diabolical delight in phoning me every few weeks at precisely the moment I am tucking in my children, people just don’t call.

It’s at the point where when the phone does ring — and it’s not my mom, dad, husband or baby sitter — my first thought is: “What’s happened? What’s wrong?” My second thought is: “Isn’t it weird to just call like that? Out of the blue? With no e-mailed warning?”

I don’t think it’s just me. Sure, teenagers gave up the phone call eons ago. But I’m a long way away from my teenage years, back when the key rite of passage was getting a phone in your bedroom or (cue Molly Ringwald gasp) a line of your own.

In the last five years, full-fledged adults have seemingly given up the telephone — land line, mobile, voice mail and all. According to Nielsen Media, even on cellphones, voice spending has been trending downward, with text spending expected to surpass it within three years.

“I literally never use the phone,” Jonathan Adler, the interior designer, told me. (Alas, by phone, but it had to be.) “Sometimes I call my mother on the way to work because she’ll be happy to chitty chat. But I just can’t think of anyone else who’d want to talk to me.” Then again, he doesn’t want to be called, either. “I’ve learned not to press ‘ignore’ on my cellphone because then people know that you’re there.”

“I remember when I was growing up, the rule was, ‘Don’t call anyone after 10 p.m.,’ ” Mr. Adler said. “Now the rule is, ‘Don’t call anyone. Ever.’ ”

Phone calls are rude. Intrusive. Awkward. “Thank you for noticing something that millions of people have failed to notice since the invention of the telephone until just now,” Judith Martin, a k a Miss Manners, said by way of opening our phone conversation. “I’ve been hammering away at this for decades. The telephone has a very rude propensity to interrupt people.”

Though the beast has been somewhat tamed by voice mail and caller ID, the phone caller still insists, Ms. Martin explained, “that we should drop whatever we’re doing and listen to me.”

Even at work, where people once managed to look busy by wearing a headset or constantly parrying calls back and forth via a harried assistant, the offices are silent. The reasons are multifold. Nobody has assistants anymore to handle telecommunications. And in today’s nearly door-free workplaces, unless everyone is on the phone, calls are disruptive and, in a tight warren of cubicles, distressingly public. Does anyone want to hear me detail to the dentist the havoc six-year molars have wreaked on my daughter?

“When I walk around the office, nobody is on the phone,” said Jonathan Burnham, senior vice president and publisher at HarperCollins. The nature of the rare business call has also changed. “Phone calls used to be everything: serious, light, heavy, funny,” Mr. Burnham said. “But now they tend to be things that are very focused. And almost everyone e-mails first and asks, ‘Is it O.K. if I call?’ ”

Even in fields where workers of various stripes (publicists, agents, salespeople) traditionally conducted much of their business by phone, hoping to catch a coveted decision-maker off-guard or in a down moment, the phone stays on the hook. When Matthew Ballast, an executive director for publicity at Grand Central Publishing, began working in book publicity 12 years ago, he would go down his list of people to cold call, then follow up two or three times, also by phone. “I remember five years ago, I had a pad with a list of calls I had to return,” he said. Now, he talks by phone two or three times a day.

“You pretty much call people on the phone when you don’t understand their e-mail,” he said.

Phone call appointments have become common in the workplace. Without them, there’s no guarantee your call will be returned. “Only people I’ve ruthlessly hounded call me back,” said Mary Roach, author of “Packing for Mars.” Writers and others who work alone can find the silence isolating. “But if I called my editor and agent every time I wanted to chat, I think they’d say, ‘Oh no, Mary Roach is calling again.’ So I’ve pulled back, just like everyone else.”

Whereas people once received and made calls with friends on a regular basis, we now coordinate such events via e-mail or text. When college roommates used to call (at least two reunions ago), I would welcome their vaguely familiar voices. Now, were one of them to call on a Tuesday evening, my first reaction would be alarm. Phone calls from anyone other than immediate family tend to signal bad news.

Receiving calls on the cellphone can be a particular annoyance. First, there’s the assumption that you’re carrying the thing at all times. For those in homes with stairs, the cellphone siren can send a person scrambling up and down flights of steps in desperate pursuit. Having the cellphone in hand doesn’t necessarily lessen the burden. After all, someone might actually be using the phone: someone who is in the middle of scrolling through a Facebook photo album. Someone who is playing Cut the Rope. Someone who is in the process of painstakingly touch-tapping an important e-mail.

For the most part, assiduous commenting on a friend’s Facebook updates and periodically e-mailing promises to “catch up by phone soon” substitute for actual conversation. With friends who merit face time, arrangements are carried out via electronic transmission. “We do everything by text and e-mail,” said Laurie David, a Hollywood producer and author. “It would be strange at this point to try figuring all that out by phone.”

Of course, immediate family members still phone occasionally. “It’s useful for catching up on parenting issues with your ex-husband,” said Ms. David, who used to be married to Larry David, the star of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” “Sometimes when you don’t want to type it all, it’s just easier to talk.”

But even sons, husbands and daughters don’t always want to chat. In our text-heavy world, mothers report yearning for the sound of their teenage and adult children’s voices. “I’m sort of missing the phone,” said Lisa Birnbach, author of “True Prep” and mother of three teenagers. “It’s warmer and more honest.”

That said, her landline “has become a kind of vestigial part of my house like the intercom buttons once used in my prewar building to contact the ‘servants quarters.’ ” When the phone rings, 9 times out of 10, it’s her mother.

There are holdouts. Radhika Jones, an assistant managing editor at Time magazine, still has a core group of friends she talks to by phone. “I’ve always been a big phone hound,” she said. “My parents can tell you about the days before call waiting.” Yet even she has slipped into new habits: Voice mails from her husband may not get listened to until end of day. Phone messages are returned by e-mail. “At least you’re responding!”

But heaven forbid you actually have to listen — especially to voice mail. The standard “let the audience know this person is a loser” scene in movies where the forlorn heroine returns from a night of cat-sitting to an answering machine that bleats “you have no messages” would cause confusion with contemporary viewers. Who doesn’t heave a huge sigh of relief to find there’s no voice mail? Is it worth punching in a protracted series of codes and passwords to listen to some three-hour-old voice say, “call me” when you could glance at caller ID and return the call — or better yet, e-mail back instead?

Many people don’t even know how their voice mail works. “I’ve lost that skill,” Ms. Birnbach said.

“I have no idea how to check it,” Ms. David admitted. “I can stay in a hotel for three days with that little red light blinking and never listen. I figure, if someone needs to reach me, they’ll e-mail.”

“I don’t check these messages often,” intoned a discouraging recorded voice, urging callers to try e-mail. And this is the voice-mail recording of Claude S. Fischer, author of a book on the history of the telephone and more recently, “Still Connected: Family and Friends in America Since 1970.”

“When the telephone first appeared, there were all kinds of etiquette issues over whom to call and who should answer and how,” Dr. Fischer, a sociology professor at the University of California, Berkeley, told me when finally reached by phone. Among the upper classes, for example, it was thought that the butler should answer calls. For a long time, inviting a person to dinner by telephone was beyond the pale; later, the rules softened and it was O.K. to call to ask someone to lunch.

Telephones were first sold exclusively for business purposes and only later as a kind of practical device for the home. Husbands could phone wives when traveling on business, and wives could order their groceries delivered. Almost immediately, however, people began using the telephone for social interactions. “The phone companies tried to stop that for about 30 years because it was considered improper usage,” Dr. Fischer said.

We may be returning to the phone’s original intentions — and impact. “I can tell you exactly the last time someone picked up the phone when I called,” Mary Roach said. “It was two months ago and I said: ‘Whoa! You answered your phone!’ It was a P.R. person. She said, ‘Yeah, I like to answer the phone.’ ” Both were startled to be voice-to-voice with another unknown, unseen human being.